A 2:30 AM Ramble


Hello World!

I’m not sure if this is the right medium for this sort of thing, but it’s late and I’m spiraling in my head. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about being fat. I don’t mean it in a negative way, because I very genuinely do love myself. Yet, whenever I make a comment to a friend about being fat, they automatically respond with “No you aren’t! You’re so beautiful”, as if I cannot be both. But I can be. I think I am pretty awesome and I can get confident about my looks quite often, but I do also acknowledge and accept that I’m fat. I get that our society is afraid of fat people or whatever, but I am so absolutely sick of people assuming I hate myself when I talk about being fat. It is so insulting when people deny the blatant fact that my body is fat. We see the same things- there are rolls hanging off of me of pure fat, I have thunder thighs, and my double chin is always present. I do not get why accepting that means I think I’m ugly, or why the word fat has to be perceived in such a negative way. I am who I am, that’s not changing.

All this being said, sometimes my body does bring me down. Not because of how I see myself, because I’m okay with myself finally after years of harm and misuse towards my body, but because of how society sees it. I’m embarrassed every time I go shopping with my friends, because I feel the sales associates looking me up and down- questioning what a size 20 in a store that only carries up to a size 12. I sometimes get so sick of having to scavenge for a way to express myself through fashion, because plus size options are often super limited. I hate walking down the street and hearing men say they’ll “have the fat one” in their snarly voices oozing in complete deprecation. I’m so nervous that I will never meet a guy who is into me for my “looks”, regardless of how great we could be together and how confident I am in myself. The world makes me want to hate my fat body, even though I truly have grown to embrace it most times.

~end nonsensical rambles~

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2 thoughts on “A 2:30 AM Ramble

  1. ashbashtus says:

    Believe me, there are plenty of awesome people who will find you attractive and be into you AND your body not in spite of your body. Keep reminding your loved ones that “fat” isn’t an insult or you attempting to bring yourself down. I definitely relate to some of these feels though. Some days are harder than others. You’re fantastic. ♥

    Like

  2. Nica says:

    Betsy, I know exactly how you feel ma’am. Not only does it frighten society that we are comfortable with our fat body, but it frightens them that they don’t see us running or exercising trying to get rid of it. They are confused of the fact that anyone like us could be satisfied with the way we look. It’s very frustrating that we can’t go to a store with our friends. But if we do, we get the dirty look from the cashiers. I actually did an interview for my newspaper and they asked me what made me get into fashion. My response was, because i was never comfortable with my body and i was tired of going into stores and not finding anything for me. So i made up my own style. I’ve heard the youre not fat you’re beautiful multiple times. My response is always yes I am and I know I am. As taboo as society is making it, it is very possible for me to have my fat roll and know I look good at the same time. When it comes to the opposite sex finding someone who will appreciate and love all of you will happen. I know you have heard that multiple times too, but it’s true. I thought I would never find anyone, but when I actually starting realizing Hey I look good, guys starting noticing hey she looks good haha. It seems like you have so much confidence, and you should never let anyone make you forget that feeling. It’s not easy for us to be fat and comfortable. It’s worth it though because it benifits us.

    Liked by 1 person

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